kev curran 16th March 2008

I went to the doc’s the other day for my test results, I said "give it to me straight doc." He looked uncomfortably at his computer screen, avoiding my eyes, " I’m sorry about this, but there’s no doubt,..it’s..er..mm..it’s…salsa fever." I recoiled back in my chair,reflected for a moment, then asked "Doc, is this why I keep visiting masonic halls, social clubs and convents?" "I’m afraid so" he replied, "and what’s more, you’ll probably feel yourself being drawn to Blackpool or other similar places." "That’s already happened doc" I said, "I went a few weeks ago, but I don’t know why. I just felt that I had to be there." He nodded his head and looked up at me. "Doc" I said, "Be honest,..is there any hope?" "Six.. maybe twelve months" he replied," and then you’ll notice that you’ve begun to dance to a mediocre standard." "And then?" I asked,"what happens then?" "It depends" he replied, "It could go either way. Your best chance is to continue with therapy at the Groove Academy, to be frank it’s still a long shot." I slumped in the chair, "Er..thanks doc."

Kate Beauchamp 17th March 2008

Kev, I am glad to hear you sort medical help for your problem and to see that you took his advice. Now you are a twice a week man, this should speed up your chances of recovery. See you soon for your next dose of medication

ian greenhouse 18th March 2008

i have a similar problem. i was walking backward instead of foward and left instead of right. the doctor said it was a hopeless case of having ‘twoleftfeetitus’. the only known cure was to find a dance partner with ‘tworightfeetitus’ to straighten the problem out.

all this has caused me great stress and im now going to book a holiday to get over the bad news. mustnt forget my flip flips !!!!!!!!

kev curran 28th March 2008

so i went back for a follow-up appointment.- "morning doc" i said cheerfully, proudly asking him "what do you think of these then?".. i placed a pair of size 11 black and white mens salsa shoes on the middle of his desk.- he looked up from his angling times and stared at them over the top of his specs.."dancing shoes?" he enquired. "oh yes" i replied,"but not any old dancing shoes..they’re robotic… direct from cuba. they come with programming software and rechargable batteries..only cost a grand." – he studied them intently, "any good?" he asked. – "doc..they’re fantastic" i replied, continuing…"adjustable tempo.. spins.. ball changes..suzie q’s.. downtowns.. cross body..i could go on..does ‘em all" – "and problems?" he enquired. "well.." i replied "the left one rubs my heel a bit..and if i’m honest with myself ..they’re a bit too good for me…i sort of ..well…i seem to flail around after them..here..have a quick look at this video on my mobile..see what you think." – i set the video going and turned the phone screen towards him. he watched carefully. "hmmm.. " he murmured, "yes,a bit fast for you, sort of dangerous really" – at this point he looked up at me, he slowly brushed the shoes aside with one hand and rested his crossed arms on the desk. "i think.." he said slowly.."that perhaps you need to get back to basics. do you remember when you first went to the groove academy..when either kate or phil asked you to count..in a sort of rhythmic way.. like..er..mmm…like this.. i think..1..2..3..and..5..6..7..and..1..2..3..and..5..6..7…and so on?" – he looked at me waiting for a response, i looked at him. there was an awkward silence. through the open window, amidst the hum of the outside daily world could be heard the singe call of a distant cuckoo. the clock on his wall ticked. "doc!!" i exclaimed..breaking the silence.."don’t be ridiculous..what on earth has that got to do with salsa?!" – he didn’t say anything, but leant back into his chair lifting his feet up onto the corner of his desk as he did so. opening his fishing magazine, he immersed himself behind it. "what sort of shoe polish are you using?" i heard him ask. – "well" i babbled excitedly.." i’ve tried kiwi but cherry blossom seems to give a beter sheen and there’s a new one coming out soon…blah..blah.." THE END

robert gamson 30th March 2008

This article may interest you Kev.

An insight into salsa sickness by Robert V Gamson

Salsa sickness is an infection of the brain that is contageous and can strike at any age. It has been said that babies are immune but research in Cuba disputes that. Babies have been seen to move more animatedly when salsa music is played. A leading Cuban professor has concluded they would exhibit full symptoms if they had the more sophisticated body movement of those older. (I take that to mean if a baby cannot walk then it cannot show the symptoms).

There is no known cure for the illness. Even though fancy computerised shoes have been tried in an effort to cut the link between the brain and the feet and so freeing the brain to concentrate on other things during and attack, these have not worked. Indeed they now have to be issued with a warning notice since sufferers have experienced a dizziness and light-headedness with the shoes malfunctioning and spinning out of control. Cyber-dancing also fails to help since the brain is not divorced from the mental activity which is at the root of this illness. It has been said that excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages can cause some relief for small periods, i.e. while the suffere cannot think clearly. Other brain blocking narcotics have also been suggested. The side effects of all of these are far worse than the disease so none can be recommended.

Symptoms come and go in small cycles and sufferers often have therapy sessions once or twice a week. This is group therapy especially designed for the illness. Most of the time the therapists seem to feed the sickness but then they concoct a few difficult moves and run them to quick rythem music which can reduce the symptoms for a while. Therapy can help and sufferers are prepared to pay privately for this (therapy is not available on the NHS).

Occasionally a severe attack results in a weekend or week lost to the sickness.

Typical symptoms include- (i) Men and women holding each other as couples in close proximity even though they do not know one another, (ii) Severe disruption of normal foot traffic involving a lot of gyrations and symbolic and sensuous movement that does not lead to any particular destination being reached, (iii) An unusual degree of smiling and laughing, (iv) Men conversing more than usual and (v) Women expecting and insisting on being led by men in similar and mirror movements.

Salsa sickness has been likened to rock-and-roll sickness, waltz sickness etc. but it is different. In neither of those two sicknesses do females emulate the sensuous qualities of latinas. The strength of the salsa sickness is also more extreme. Sufferers of those others can and often do recover with just the occasional minor relapse.

I have been told there is a project to try voodoo as a cure. Needles are to be put i effigies of dance teachers while salsa music is playing. The government was approached to fund a proper research project but a spokesperson said they only had a fiver left unallocated for this financial year and would be spending that on disinfectant to clean up a hospital in London.

Alas it seems that the sickness will continue. Anyone who knows of any positive developments on this topic is welcome to get is touch.